Cheryl Cole’s furious showdown with cheating husband Ashley

Grim-faced ... Cheryl and Ashley Cole on a night out

A day or two later I went to my Girls Aloud bandmate Kimberley’s in the middle of the night. She cried when she saw me. I was still in shock. I wasn’t in control of myself at all. I needed medical help.

I got pills off the doctor to calm me down and lay on Kimberley’s sofa. But I still couldn’t sleep. We had a videoshoot for our new single coming up and my doctor gave me a vitamin injection in my bum to perk me up, but it didn’t work.

It had got worse too. Over the next few days I heard two more girls had come forward to say they’d had sex with Ashley. I didn’t read the stories, but I knew one was saying it happened when Ashley and I were courting, and another said she slept with him a few months after our wedding.

I told myself they must be lies. I just wanted to run away and hide, and I asked Kimberley and Nicola Roberts if they’d come away with me on holiday somewhere far away.

I booked us a villa at a private resort in Thailand and, as soon as our flight took off, I had this overwhelming feeling of “f*** the world”.

I could have fallen out of the sky from the plane and I was certain nothing would have been as painful as what I was feeling inside.

It was now about two weeks after the initial allegations and, looking back, I was out of my head on tranquillisers. As soon as we got there I crashed out for two full days.

When I finally came out I sat on my own overlooking the beach. I didn’t know who I was any more, I thought. I was a heartbroken girl, but who was I now without Ashley by my side? I knew I loved him and I didn’t want to end my marriage. I still felt that very strongly.

My initial gut feeling remained, that I couldn’t justify leaving my marriage because of one drunken mistake. I’d known something was up after the night of the fight because Ashley acted so weird.

But he’d never behaved like that before, and surely I’d have known if he’d been hiding secrets for years?From Thailand I flew to LA where I was filming a video with Will.i.am. Once the video was done I felt ready to go home.

Despite the hell Ashley had put me through, I felt very strongly now that I just wanted my life to go back to normal. Splitting up was unthinkable to me. I’d been torturing myself for weeks, going over and over events in my mind. I had no real proof
Ashley had been unfaithful. All I knew for sure was that he’d gone out and got blind drunk and met that girl, and my gut reaction remained the same.

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